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Is it possible to eliminate the algorithm from dating sites?

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Contrived _voice
Contrived _voice Feb 09, 2022
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Problem
People are better at relating to other people but algorithms are better at finding behavioral similarities in people's behavior. I can break down the problem into 3 parts.
ACT 1:Superficiallity
Most dating sites use Collaborative filtering to get matches with potential partners, summarised is as follows "if a person A has the same opinion as a person B on an issue, A is more likely to have B's opinion on a different issue than that of a randomly chosen person." Of course, this makes sense when used in the context of shows on Netflix or products on a fashion line. People are more complicated though. The algorithm takes in superficial aspects like tattoos or height and income and uses them as points of reference when pointing you towards potential partners. I see a problem with this ,all the points have nothing to do with who the person really is as an individual, so you keep matching with people who you think you'd like but when you start talking to them you realize it could never work. You could argue that people write a bio on their profile, but it's not possible to describe a person entirely in under 200 words.
ACT 2: A rating system?
In addition to the filtering a site has to keep track of people you've rejected and those you kicked it off with but didn't go anywhere.For this they use a version of the Elo rating system used in chess. Tinder has what they call an Elo score for attractiveness. Which brings the question of how exactly do you quantify attractiveness when everyone is looking for something different? Bottom line is if the algorithm gives you alow elo score it greatly reduces the number of people you are presented to and shows you less options too. At this point it's easy to get discouraged and quit. A high elo rating on the hand means you get more matches and more choices, meaning you have to filter all of them manually causing mental and emotional fatigue and you end up quiting the app thinking everyone on there just isn't for you.
So is it posible to make a dating site that gives you matches that target your general personality or interests without falling back onto this process?
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Contrived _voice
Contrived _voice Feb 11, 2022
RELEVANT DATA
I have found a reasonable solution. Friendship. Several studies from different perpectives found that almost 70% of all sucessful relationships started of as platonic friendships. This makes sense because friendships are easy, low expectations and less judgement. Friends also have things in common ,which is how all these relationships start, be it on campus, the workplace or volunteering at a charity or goodwill.
Another study showed more couples met through friends for the first time, which also makes sense because people are of course more intuitive at knowing who would get along well with who.

Based on those points it is reasonable to assume that friendship is the basis of any meaningful relationship. What are friendships based on then?
An article on Brittanica states that having mutual interests is the first solid step when starting a friendship. What remains is to bring everything together.
Idea
Create a platform where people choose fields of interests instead of describing themselves or the type of person they are looking for. The platform could then inform you when you find a match, a match is anyone sharing over 80% interests. This could be done irregardless of gender but you would still have the option of selecting the geographical range. If it works out you get a partner that's willing to go fishing with you and talk about Edgar Allan Poe and if it doesn't, you still get a friend that will get excited about the same things you do. The added benefit is people can now introduce you to other people in an organic way like you would in real life.

[1]https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202108/how-often-friends-become-lovers

[2]https://www.verywellmind.com/two-thirds-of-couples-started-out-as-friends-study-finds-5193598

[3]https://www.britannica.com/topic/friendship/Phases-of-friendship-formation-maintenance-and-dissolution

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Shubhankar Kulkarni
Shubhankar Kulkarni10 months ago
So the platform will be publicized as a place for making friends and not finding a partner? If that is true, it would be no different from Facebook, right? So, for those who are looking for a partner and not just a friend, this is a very long process and is not completely in your hands. Your friend should meet someone who they think might be a good fit for you. And then, you would be referred to them. Also, even for the 80% interests you mentioned, you would need the algorithm.
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Contrived _voice
Contrived _voice10 months ago
Shubhankar Kulkarni not really, It's a just counting and comparing. And no If I had to find a parallel for it i'd have to say reddit but with discord attatched. Facebook is too direct on the forming connections part. Besides facebook is for meeting friends but you could also find a partner, here it's reversed. The main goal is to find a partner but you can make friends along the way. I was pushing for something organic that takes the pressure off the idea of dates and finding "the one' while at the same time retaining your desire for a partner. Just make it a social affair, the more people helping you find someone right the berrer, right? The of it as a marriage of socialism and dating. Carl Marx would aproove
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Michaela D
Michaela D10 months ago
So what you are suggesting is a dating app/website that matches you according to your interests?
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General comments

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Michaela D
Michaela D10 months ago
I don't think it would make sense to completely eliminate the algorithm. However, there can be some adaptations. For example, you can give members the choice to use the algorithm at will. They can start by using the algorithm and if it doesn't work out they can disable it.
Also, the dating app ok cupid matches members based on long questionnaires. When someone signs up they need to answer questions on religion, ethics, social issues, etc. So, you get the percentage of matching based on views on such topics. It is not perfect, of course, but it is a good start for matching! A far-left person could hardly get along with a far-right in a relationship, for example.
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Contrived _voice
Contrived _voice10 months ago
Michaela D nice find, personality testing seems more reliable attractiveness. however, does that not lead to you being matched with people who only share the same values as you? maybe I'm wrong but wouldn't that kind of bring together the worst kind of people, Say two racists and their friends on both sides?
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Michaela D
Michaela D10 months ago
Contrived _voice well, yes this is the idea. I absolutely encourage being exposed to different ideas, values, etc. But think about that: if you are welcoming of other people and cultures, what are the chances you would be in a happy relationship with a racist?
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Contrived _voice
Contrived _voice10 months ago
Michaela D fair point. We need a middle ground. Exposure to different values while still being able to form meaningful relations. that would be the ideal situation
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Daniel Drazhi
Daniel Drazhi10 months ago
Michaela D Are you suggesting that welcoming other people and cultures could lead to racism cases? I really hope you don't mean this. 😁
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